How do you keep positive when others are bringing you down?
Do you have people in your lives, who, to put it bluntly, bring you down?
Even if we’re not always enthusiastic, those negative Nellies (as I like to refer to them in my blog on April 30th) can put a serious strain on our energy. If you’re regularly exposed to downer or negative influences, their attitudes and moods can easily weasel their way into your well-being and sense of peace.
Even your perspective can become skewed by their perpetual lack of joy and continual negativity. Under the influence of negative person, you might think that something is wrong with you, second-guess yourself on key decisions or feel angry. You could even take on some of the negative qualities of a negative counterpart.
Not surprisingly, negativity breeds more negativity!
I recall when my husband and I were living in Florida, and we had a longtime family friend visiting. We were taking her to see some of the local sites. On the ride there, she asked about how my parents were doing. I told her that it’s difficult for me to call my mom at times because she can be negative and brings me down. I also told her that my mom had a challenging upbringing and hadn’t experienced much joy and hope in her lifetime. Then our friend spoke up and said “Next time you talk with your mom, try this: change the subject to a lighter or happier one; share something positive that is going on in your own life; or ask her if there is anything you can pray with her about. Sometimes people get so self-absorbed looking inwardly, that they forget that there’s so much good going on around them.” A week later, my mom called, and I did exactly as she suggested, and the conversation took a whole different turn for the positive. I continued to keep turning her negativity into positivity, and a few months later, when I was down about something, she encouraged me and turned my negativity into positivity.
Below are a few things that I have found helpful when encountering negative downers:
Think before responding - I have found this to be key in dealing with a negative attitude or someone who has offended me. Not only do I take a minute to think about my response, but I say a quick prayer and ask the Lord to 1) help me to be calm and respond in a respectful manner; 2) give me His wisdom as to how to respond. While I’m praying, I try and take a deep breath or two, allowing my brain to be re-oxygenated and peaceful so that I may respond appropriately. I also literally remind myself and declare out loud my favorite peace scripture from the Bible - the book of John, chapter 14, verse 27: “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.“
Don’t enable the behavior- Firmly and lovingly ask the person to stop the negativity or ignore it so that you don’t give them the satisfaction of a response but try and avoid getting angry or retaliating in the moment.
Practice an attitude of gratitude - Think about what you are thankful for and express your gratitude for those things out loud. It really helps to verbally speak words of positivity and thankfulness. After all, there are so many things to be thankful for, like the breath that we breathe each day.
Challenge negative thoughts or words - You can’t always choose what happens to you or how people treat you, but you can choose how you respond to it or them.
Respond with playfulness and lightness - I’ve implemented this with negative colleagues, family and friends. Sometimes you can nip it in the bud by letting them know that you’re not going to play their negativity game.
Empathize with them (but no enabling)- Recognize that there may be more behind a person’s negative attitude. As I mentioned in my April 30th blog “If we haven’t dealt with our traumatic experience(s) and feelings, we may view our thoughts and days through the lens of trauma, rather than the reality that exists.”
Practice mindfulness - What I mean here is to focus on the mind-body connection. This refers to the idea that our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors can influence our physical health and well-being and vice versa. It is a two-way relationship where the mind influences the body, and the body influences the mind. Positive thoughts may lead to the release of ‘feel good’ neurotransmitters, like serotonin and dopamine, while physical sensations (positive or negative) might influence our mental state. An example is how a good night’s sleep may lead to clearer thinking, as it resets your brain. One exercise might be to take a few minutes away from the negativity and take a deep breath and remember that you are made up of mind, body and spirit. Just the act of taking a deep breath in and out can help you relax and gain enough composure to respond peacefully to a negative attitude.
Please also check out the following article on “8 Ways of dealing with people who try to put you down.” It offers some great suggestions, along with cartoons to drive the points home.
Don’t let anyone steal your joy!
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