Do you believe people can really change?

I have shared in a previous blog, that I have a soft spot for movies that involve a “Cinderella” type of motif or “turnaround story.” I love seeing characters (and humans in real life) start from one place and turn their lives around to become a better version of themselves. Inevitably this involves “change” - a change in attitude, mind, circumstances, etc.

One of my favorite “rags to riches” movies is The Blind Side. If you haven’t seen it, it is a tear-jerker and an all-time classic, but it also happens to be based on a true story. It is a biography about Michael Oher and following him as he goes from a misunderstood teenager to becoming an All-American college and pro football star. I think that it is more of a life lesson than a film - We can overcome any obstacles in our lives. One caveat I need to mention is that, although it is a good movie with a great storyline, I understand that the movie did not accurately portray his life story.

Change has so many faces. Each year in January, we see many hopefuls making sincere resolutions to change; trying desperately to keep those New Year’s resolutions. I have been one of those people, but what I realized, is that when I was successful in achieving my New Year’s resolutions, it was because I was sick and tired of my current situation and determined to change the course of my life. 

I was reading one article in betterhelp about a survey that only “36% on average make it past the first month of January, compared to 9% who successfully keep their resolutions throughout the year.” They also say that one of the main reasons resolutions fail may be how people set their goals, as well as how they adapt to when obstacles come up. Another article cited that “the most common day people give up on their resolutions is the second Friday in January, known as “Quitter’s Day.”

Is lasting change possible?

I believe so. If you think about it, we’re changing all the time. Whether it is learning new skills or habits, adjusting to new technologies, or experiencing some type of traumatic event, among others. The challenge is in trying to make change happen with pure self-determination. I have found that we can all change in the short term, whether it is changing your diet, starting an exercise regiment, or having a positive attitude. But making it a habit, which eventually turns into a lifestyle, is not as easy.

I recall one experience in particular in which I wouldn’t have believed that such drastic change was possible, if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. This was during my training in martial arts. I met a young girl whose parents enrolled her in the program. She was junior high age and apparently, was failing all her classes. Her mom thought that she suffered from ADHD and that learning martial arts would help with her focus and coordination.

For the first couple of months, she could not stand or even sit still during class, much less learn the techniques. However, at about the fourth month, we all saw a dramatic improvement in her ability to concentrate and retain the information and the techniques needed for the class. We later found out from her mom that she completely turned her grades around, such that she was placed on the honor roll, and later, the Dean’s list. Her mother attributed this positive change in her daughter’s life to the training she received in martial arts. 

One element in which I think makes change like this example truly possible, is a growth mindset {that ability and intelligence can be achieved through effort.} If you have a growth mindset, you may be more willing to embrace new challenges, learn from failure and grow overtime. In comparison, a fixed mindset {view those same traits as inherently stable and unchangeable overtime.} may cause you to see change as a threat and cause you to avoid the task altogether. Harvard Business School Online produced a helpful article called “Growth mindset vs. fixed mindset: what’s the difference? (Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset: What's the Difference? (hbs.edu)). My understanding of the idea behind the growth mindset is that you’re always growing and learning; And, if you’re willing to grow and learn, change is possible!